petty reactionism

After doing the following for the umpteenth time, I felt it necessary to share.

Oh, and after getting half way through writing, I am aware I’m sounding neurotic and crazy. Don’t commit me though. I have so much to give…

When online, I habitually check sites. Facebook, Twitter and WordPress get pretty high traffic. But the state of the site when I visit, or more specifically, the status of my activity on the site, especially WordPress, depends three possible reactions or scenarios:

1) If I have received a direct comment, notification or @response, it receives immediate contemplation and response, in that I think for half an hour before I post a witty, yet succinct and to the point reply. I do this for all things, whatever size. This inevitably means that I spend over 5 minutes debating the significance of someone “poking” me on facebook. Why did they poke? Have I done / said / forgotten something? I over analyse and antagonise myself into submission, before lamely poking the person back. This anxiety works both ways in that should I post something and not get a response, then I freak out – do they hate me? Have I aggravated them somehow? Have I hurt them? (Most probably, I need to relax).

2) If no activity has occurred on the sites, then the reaction depends on certain site sub clauses.

i) If no activity has occurred on facebook and I am of a normal frame of mind, then I will not engage in any activity other than follow up leads on the News Feed. If you’re friends with me on facebook and you update photos / statuses (stati?) / information, you will be subjected to 2 minutes of scrutiny on said item resulting in either ambivalence or an open polite wall post or comment.

ii) Twitter. If it’s quiet here, I will react in two possible ways. I will either a) spend lots of time thinking of a witty or relevant tweet; or b) I will look at some of the profiles of either my followers, or the people I follow (some are US based, so I miss some posts due to the time difference).Of course, with a) completed, I will then do b). If I do b) and see something interesting, I might then do a). It’s all very mood dependant though. Jesus. I. Sound. Freaking. Weird.

iii) On WordPress everything changes. Because this site actively records statistical data for me, so things can just get crazy. On my dashboard, sits a chart detailing visits per day. My blog and I live by this chart. Should the traffic drop down to 0, nilch, zero,  then it invokes a fresh post to be generated (this post is LIVING proof of this, as yesterday’s traffic read 0, whatever Russian sex sites tell me in my Spam comments folder). If there are comments, then we fall back to point 1) with the addition of the WP (WordPress) subclause system™:

one) If person making said comment doth have their own site of http content, then said site will be patroned and, intrigue pending, be commented on in turn.

two) If said person is somehow connected to I, then they will be notified of any gratitude felt, either by mention during next conversation or (if comment requires immediate attention) by the powers of short messaging service (SMS), telephonic communications, facebook or email. If they are of connection, and have a blog or twitter, then also initiate point -one)-.

three) If person is unknown, and has made a comment without leaving a link for replying per point – one)- then writer sits at computer, and writes something in same comment arena in vague hope that person returns to page to check up for such replies.

3) If there’s been no activity, and point 2) has already been enacted and completed, then generally I will (through no choice) have to go elsewhere on the world wide web. This then initiates my procrastination mode, or my reader mode. The latter merely means that I’ll Stumble or read bookmarked or blogrolled blogs. The former means I’ll play games.

Once the third is entered, the cycle repeats back to the start every 10 minutes or so. Such is web-life. As you can see, there is a lot of ammunition here for my dispatch to the padded hotel. I’ll admit that such attention and over analysis of commentary is a little crazy, but I think a life long anxiety of what people close (or not close) to me think is something that won’t ever truly die. So forgive me. I know I’m crazy.

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Before any of that starts though, remember (please!) that I first of all every single time I go online check my email and complete any items of work or work related importance that need doing. Also (this of course is aimed in the direction of my wife), before I enter into the cycle of the above, I will always complete any houshold chores that need doing.

I’m good like that.

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That last bit so completely read like a disclaimer. It just goes to show how much I fear deeply and truly love my wife.

there goes 3 more…

Procrastination.

Time wasting. Well, not wasting time, because whatever you’re doing always seems to have some kind of tangible reason behind it: you surf because you don’t want to do the chores / essay write / revise. But it is generally the engaged activity of the mind on anything other than that which it is supposed to be occupied on.

Humans are naturals to this. We do it all the time. It’s probably one of the reasons for human error, for terrible exam results, for car accidents. In fact I think it might be possible to directly link procrastination to most unwelcome events in life. It’s DEFINITELY the reason for all forms of paperwork taking weeks and weeks to process. Those guys in the offices just love to occupy their time with stuff other than your urgently needed passport / visa.

I suppose one way to run through this amicable pastime is to describe some of the many activities that I have developed over the years, and maybe even to share some of the delights that procrastinating has found me.

Some may well have already seen some of these on my Stumbleupon, but I’ll reference these chaps and talk a little about why I’ve listed them.

I just said list and gave myself a flutter of emotion. How I love lists. OK, so…

TOP TEN all time (up until more are found) PROCRASTINATION ACTIVITIES

10. Dogfight 2

Fire! Fire!

An fun filled 2D side scrolling aeroplane shooter, this chap provides hours of entertainment as it seems my Red Baron skills aren’t quite good enough to complete it. The premise is simple, shoot stuff and don’t die. Oh and don’t hit the ground. There’s also another flight based game that plays pretty much the same, except it’s for pacifists. You have to just fly through hoops on that one.

9. College Humor Videos.

Using Stumble video when you are bored is a very exciting and extravagant thing. Oh yes. You saunter through reams of videos that are kind of funny but not really good enough to make you want to re watch. And re watch. And re watch. Until, that moment you stumble into some of the videos posted on College Humor. This site is full of bad stuff, but the stuff I’ve stumbled on has generally been of high value. Take “Drumline meets Revenge of the Nerds” for example. A video display of why college bands can be amazing. They play a six minute homage to all things video games, through the music and clever little formations, my personal favourite moments being the Tetris and Super Mario displays. Utter class.

There’s more here too. This video gives you 4 minutes of interesting optical illusions, explaining them while you scratch your eyes out in disbelief.

8. AndysLife.org

Click the link. Do it. Now do you see?

This site has been up and running for a while now, and with that many games it seems a bit of a cheat to lump them all together. So I won’t. We’re looking specifically here. At one game. Hell of Sand. It’s premise is non existent. You just end up spending hours building vats of different things to then throw napalm all over it and grin inwardly. It just keeps giving.

Andy himself plays the games before he hosts them, and it seems he does alright. Most games here are fun enough for a couple of minutes. But if you don’t want to ween through the prickles to get the golden nuggets, I’d recommend the following: Totem destroyer 2, 99 Bricks, Fantastic Contraption and last but not least… Untangle.

7. Hoshi Saga

Another game, except this one is rather epic. It opens into a 6 x 6 square grid of small challenges, where your only aim is to unlock or find the star. Easy you say? Each challenge is ranked in difficulty and has no relation to its neighbours. It’s only made the list because much like Dogfight, I can’t finish the darn thing. I currently have two levels left. I like the puzzle type logic games that you find, so with this number I’ll throw in a couple of bonus tit bits, in the form of a rubik’s cube esque challenge and a very addictive game called Jelly Blocks, which I had the pleasure of completing about fifteen minutes ago.

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Ok we are into the frequent fliers now. The rest in the list make constant reappearances on my screen, and probably will do for some time.

6. Wiki Answers

I first found this site when I was conducting some interview research / questionnaire work, and it seemed useful. I then saw it again on the FAIL Blog, with the following image:

How about that for a thesis question?

Cry indeed. For there are many such questions on this site, and the best part is they will never run out. People are asking stupid questions on a constant basis and there’s two ways you can react. You can cry yourself to sleep knowing that there are so many very unfortunate people out there that haven’t been graced with the gift of education, or, you can laugh yourself silly reading fantastic questions such as “What is Hawaii the capital of….Britain?” (Showing that you can ask and answer a question), “When can you skip a word that you don’t know?” (Handily filed under School Subjects and BIRTH CONTROL PILL) and “Coleslaw for 100 people?” (Which really makes you long for the back story).

5.  Stalking Following friends on facebook.

When I first joined facebook way back in 2005, it seemed the perfect way to keep in touch with people. I was abroad and it offered a chance to keep in touch and share photos and events in life with people across the world.

That still stands for some people in my list. But a lot of my time spent on facebook can really be defined as “being nosy”. The news feed crops up with the revelation that someone you know is, unbelievably, doing something somewhere else. You then spend the next few minutes leafing through their profile, photos and mutual friends until you see something or someone who warrants a comment. Repeat until dead from starvation.

Much of the things I liked about facebook have slowly been demoted in prominence after wave upon wave of revamped displays. Nowadays it seems I procrastinate on this site only because it is one place where I can pretty much find and speak to everyone I know under the age of 40. How bad is that?

4. FML

A list of people’s problems, accidents and confusion. A list that never ceases to make me laugh. A list like no other.

To promote this site, I hereby quote the “Top FML”, the sorry story that received the highest number of people completely agreeing that this person’s life sucks:

“Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML”

3. Nintendo Wii

Whee!

Now that we’ve all got over the silliness of the name, the Nintendo Wii is actually a lot of fun. Seeing as I have one, it is only fitting that it be mentioned as a procrastination device because, well, it is one. Without a doubt. I’m all about the Wii Fitness regime at the moment, with my pitiful attempts at finishing 20 press ups a real show of manliness and utter humiliation. Angela cannot watch me girate to the Hula Hoop without laughing histerically, and as for the ski jumping…

Suffice to say, if I ever go near a real ski jump, I reckon Team GB will have a new Olympian.

2. Twitter

This is a site that I completely underestimated. After joining on the 18th of March, I have fallen in love with posting 140 character bundles of joy. I’m not sure what I like to do more with this site, the restriction that intensifies the posts, or the fact that I, a lowly commoner, can stalk follow celebrities, and even, if I’m lucky, have direct correspondence with them. Yeah. That IS cool. It wastes so much time, because after you finished checking out the people you wanted to follow, you can click the “everyone” button, and have the tweets of the entire world. Everybody is friends, and you get to see what some dude in Brazil is doing at the same time as some Chinese guy.

1. TV

Lame! Boo! Hiss!

Really. If I think back through my many years of wasting time, there is only one winner. How many times I have sat and watched program after program because it was so much better than the work I had to do. The shows may change, but the medium remained constant.

Shows like Star Trek, Scrubs, Doctor Who, the Simpsons. Heroes, 24, Match of the Day. Desperate Housewives, Eastenders (wife’s choices). Many more that I can’t recall right now. They all play a much appreciated role in my wastage of time. Ooh, and House.

And CSI

My Name Is Earl.

Big Bang Theory.

Stopping now.
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That all being said, I’ve just spent the last 3 hours writing this. Hmm.

0. What now…