road trip pt 1: explanation

Thinking in frames recently has got my aspirations up. Updating posts is not something I had wanted to do but I think with the fancy dress idea it’ll probably work fine. The category will suffer unless I get creative on it’s behind though.

Anyway, different day, different topic. Talking with my wife in my car whenever we travel, we always end up vomiting fabulously dreamy road trippy ideas that in principle, would make for beautiful holidays. Of course, should we ever get to book one of these travel opiates, I’ll have no idea of what we previously discussed, unless (we all see the direction I’m taking here…) I write them down somewhere.

So…

In terms of my usual poor wit, expect slightly less. These posts are going to be more about travel, and travel options rather than me commenting on how life in general could throw a moderately-hairy-and-in-need-of-a-shave dog a bone. They’ll be funny in a I want to travel this way not that, with glamour and style not breakdowns and bile.

I’ll be looking into EU countries (at first, purely because they’re closer) and detailing a couple (or more) orgasmic options for rumbustious road trips around their beauteous back roads. Maybe I’ll alliterate some more too.

Hmm. I’ll save the ones I’m really keen on for later in the series, so those of you that know me and are thinking “… Germany, Germany Germany”, you’ll just have to wait to be correct.

Of course, with driving in different countries, I need a car. I could use my happy little C4 VTR+, but wouldn’t it be cooler if I got to drive a different car in EVERY country?! That way, as well as enjoying the lands, I can enjoy the opportunity to drive some sweet (or not so sweet, it’s a roulette world) vehicles. Vehicles. That word always makes me think of an American cop saying “Step aWAY from the vee-HIC-ill”.

So I’ll be using some car rental companies then. Hertz, Enterprise, AVIS, Car Hire Ireland (hmm, where am I going…) etc etc etc.

Word to the wise then, if you don’t want travel, you want cracking humour of real life situations, wait for non-road trippy typing.

If you do… start sitting wishing waiting. The storm is coming…

approved warranty

So, days come and go. The things that pass by the most at the moment are money, pages and food. All three have one thing in common, in that they come into my life and leave it very quickly. Indeed, my abilities to spend / read / eat are very well developed.

Having a birthday meant that cash flow was freed slightly, in order to allow purchase of some choice items: Some games (including the 1992 classic Super Mario World), a pad, a meal and some very inappropriately expensive plane tickets. Flying is always something special for me. I remember the first time I flew, to Majorca on holiday. The acceleration of take off was exhilarating, thrilling and spectacular (more so because the pilot had stopped at the base of the runway for a power charge take off of Thunderbird proportions). It was still the era of cabin visits, and I got to see the sheer volume of crazy dials that pilots and flight engineers have in front of them. From that day I was awed by the complexity of those roles, only to be told by my father that the dials were for show and it was actually really easy. Well, I still think it looks hard.

Having a birthday meant that my literature collection got to expand. Despite my current intellectual state, I am a very bland individual when it comes to reading. I have a Luddite-like streak in me that tells me only to read trusted writers. Unfortunately the only writers that meet this criteria are ones I read as a child. Which means Terry Pratchett lives off my purchases. I’m getting better, but I secretly laugh at how many times I can read the same book and enjoy it. We’re talking double figures. Anyway, my expansion was twofold this time round: A Hat full of Sky, and the Bromeliad. The latter holds a special place in my heart as one of the first library books I trundled through. It needs to be made into a film, although such production would never live up to it’s potential.

Having a birthday meant that my stomach could enjoy some choice culinary delights. I visited a restaurant where a most enjoyable time was had drinking wine and eating nosh. I have a terrible habit at the moment. I go to fantastic restaurants where there is all manner of steaks, game pies, stews, lamb shanks, mussels and salmon. Everythyme I visit these fantastic restaurants, I order sausage. The chefs at these places must be dying on the inside. They can create all manner of fabulous dishes and the most creative I allow them to be is in the creamy-ness of the potatoes and the thickness of the gravy. Very nice gravy job, praise to the chef.

Ho hum.

In other news, the title for this story comes from an interesting experience with a garage recently. Having had a knocking noise in my car for a while and upon the insistence of my wife’s claims that it could possibly have LETHAL consequences if left unchecked, I utilised my warranty to full effect and took it in. The problem, it turned out, was minor, a bracket was loose on the exhaust. Cue free exhaust. Then something unexpected happens. The mechanic approaches with a solemn look on his face. It bears a look of two possible outcomes in me, the customer’s mind: the “oh christ this is going to be expensive” look, or the “in fixing your car we’ve managed to slaughter your family, terribly sorry” look. Thankfully neither was true. What was true was the fact I had been driving around with false number plates on. Ooops. Still, a new exhaust, cleaned and valeted car with new plates later, I haven’t paid a single pence. I heart warrantys.

PS: New idea I’m going to try. If you have something you really want me to write about, I mean really write about, feel free to either write it in the comment box below or the forum esque page titled “the ideas”. Then if it takes my fancy, or if the challenge is issued in a delightful manner, I will write about it for you.

How d’ya like them apples?