public privacy

Privacy is an interesting concept. Laid in bed last night, I realised that though I keep my facebook extremely private and between myself and friends, I post my thoughts and feelings here to the entire world. Seems a little strange. I also realised that I don’t in actual fact share my full thoughts and feelings here.

Not in a sense that I am completely restricting your access to my contemplations in a really controlled, dictatorial manner. I have shared some pretty intimate things about me on this blog. I’m not sure if people that read now have read the initial posts, but there were some really personal posts in amongst the flirtations with monetisation and discussions of racism.

I realised last night, that though I post here in public for the world to see, the actual fact of the matter is that, as far as I’m aware, only people that actually know me read this blog. And that these people are a minority of my friends (albeit the most greatly valued of the bunch). Which is mildly amusing seeing as this means in my public space, I have a greater sense of exclusivity and privacy than in my highly private and non-public facebook account.

I don’t really know what point I’m getting to with that, but it does seem rather odd to me. I like the internet for this reason however. Knowing that my little nook exists within a tiny cranny, tucked away in the peripherals of the global network of information, e-shopping, news and inevitably pornography means a lot to me. There is a stamp of me in the world, possibly forever (I haven’t read the terms of my WordPress account, but I’d like to think it stays up forever) is a truly invigorating and also rather anxious thought. People that may result from my future and potential procreation could read this during their teenage years and think “who the hell is this psycho?!”

I’m not thinking of procreating yet. Don’t get any ideas.

Don’t.

In thinking about the beginnings of this blog and where I’ve come to now in my life, I realised that I have actually managed to come full circle. Back from the abyss, into the green meadows of joy. I started this thing as a reaction to a really bad period in my life, where I felt like a failure, like an incompetent, like an un-valuable member of society. I had effectively lost my job because I couldn’t handle the stress and because, now that I think about it, I started a job that didn’t suit who I am. The teaching part, that could have been a genuine future for me. But fate, or some such entity of future bending powers conspired and the school I started out at really was not where I should have been. At the time I was so desperate for a job of any nature that I accepted the position without any prior understanding of what it entailed – what kind of school it is, how it is run, what their priorities are, how the staff connect… I walked a path with my eyes shut and hoped for the best. Which of course, is exactly what didn’t happen. I can shrug it off now, but man that was a difficult period, and I never, ever want to experience that level of hopelessness and self-hate ever again.

So, continuing the full-circle story, I have a new job!

The discovery of my talent for translation is owed entirely to my wife, who while applying for her own job and earning it asked why I not give it a shot. The financing of this shot I owe entirely to my mother, who graciously funded my MA. In November, I graduated from that course with a Merit, something which I feel really shows how much talent I do have (my highest academic achievement ever). Since then, I have been freelancing for work, picking up different bits and pieces whilst also working at a shoe shop in town.

Now, I have a job. Well, I have THE job. When I thought about translation at first, I saw it as an inroad to my dream industry, the gaming industry. Prior to my MA, I interviewed with an industry giant, the makers of Grand Theft Auto for a German speaking role. I was impressed I got to interview stage, given that as far as I can make out post-application, it was a position ideally suited for a native of the German language rather than a German language graduate. Anyway, THE job is a position working as a German into English translator for a online games producer. From what I recall, I’m going to be working on the instructions, commands, stories and also the business side of the games. It is like a dream come true. I now earn a living translating games. Epic.

So I have leapt out of the abyss and reached the sky, where that limit has been hiding for so long. I’m extremely happy about it. I’ll certainly be updating you folks as to how I succeed at this new job, which as I have yet to mention, is in Germany. Yes, the home of my future is the location of the job of my dreams. I’m setting up shop in my favourite part of Germany, the South-West, where the beer is tasty and the scenery is a visual orgasm.

Out of an end, a start has begun. Reminds me of something…

GAME OVER

CONTINUE? Y/N

Let’s take the world on one more time